So I’m sitting here grinding my ass off yesterday when I get a call from the “Free Clinic”. It was my hot doctor lady telling me that my lab work was back. It was a good news/bad news sort of thing. Good news: I’m not diabetic. I felt like Phil Hellmuth and thought to myself “I can dodge bullets baby!”. Bad news: My potassium levels are insanely high. WTF, isn’t potassium good for me? I have eaten my share of bananas in the past month or so. Anyway, they had me come back immediately for more blood work so they can recheck the number. Twice in 2 days at the free clinic with a 3rd most likely coming so I can get whatever treatment it is to rectify the problem. I Googled the treatments and there was a list of things (including one of the pills I’m already taking or insulin shots). I asked the blood work lady about treatment for high potassium and she told me it would most likely be a drink I take that pushes it out my bowels. So I got that to look forward to.
While I was at the clinic, I saw the dumbest looking boyfriend/girlfriend combo ever. The boyfriend wore white shorts with red checker pattern on it, black socks pulled up to his knees, white K-Swiss tennis shoes, and a wife beater. Both arms were sleeved up with tattoos. His hat was turned sideways. He had these huge J-LO-esque sunglasses. Plus he had piercings everywhere. His girlfriend, I would do though. But she was still a piece of work. She had on the shortest shorts possible with just a bit of ass cheeks hanging out the back when she walked. She too had a wife beater and multiple piercings. Oh yeah, and she had the back of her hair clipped real short while the front hung down well past her eyes. Both had cell phones attached to their ear. He never seemed to be talking to anyone though. She, on the other hand, was talking all kinds of shit..literally. F-bombs a plenty. Now, I belong to the “Classy chicks who say ‘fuck’ a lot” Facebook group, so I was cool with it. But I’m sure at least one of the mother’s that owned the 85 ankle biting parasites running around the waiting room took offense. I was just happy to be entertained and hoped they were there for some sort of sterilization process. 10 to 1 she was pregnant though and we are all doomed!
Luckily, my stint at the doc’s office was fairly brief and I was still able to grind out a bunch of poker. What a turd the last few days have been. Up, down, Up, down down, Up, down down down.
Not all was bad yesterday though. During commercials of Minute to Win It (I’m a fan!), I was browsing through old classmates on Facebook when I came across a girl that used to be smokin’ hot back in the day. I really hated the bitch though because of one drunken night. Several of my circle of friends were at a party. I drove because I had the truck that would carry the most. Not because I was the designated driver (I didn’t say we were smart when we were 17). When the party was over, our crew stumbled back to my truck and I was heading back to the pool hall to drop them off at their vehicles so we could have an entire fleet of drunk drivers on the road. About half way there, I noticed my gas needle on the truck start bouncing back and forth real quick. I joked about it because the truck had 220,000 miles on it. Just another cool feature I thought, until I hit the gas to pull out at the red light. Sputter sputter clink clank, the truck died. Awesome. We managed to get the truck off to the side of the road before any cops came (police station was about 1/4 mile down that road).
The group of us put our soused minds together to figure out what to do. Now remember, this was back before everyone had cell phones. We contemplated on which direction would be best to find a pay phone so we would call for a ride back to the pool hall. Before we even started our journey, The girl I’ve been speaking of drove by. She saw us and stopped. We were saved! She offered to give us a ride to the pool hall and even though her driving record was shit because she drove 2 speeds: Fast or stop, we had a way to get home! She had a Chevy Cavalier. That was the first year they came out with the new body style that they use now (assuming they still make the Cavalier). Anyway, there was like 7 of us and 3 (her and her 2 friends). No way everyone was fitting into that car. We contemplated who was making the trip. No way in hell I wanted anything to do with riding with that bitch. I didn’t want to die. I just bit my lip and let the other dudes battle it out over who went. The plan became to stuff as many of us into that little car as possible and then one of our crew come back and save the rest. Before everyone started piling in, I heard her big mouth say “You know Wes’s fat ass ain’t fitting in there” followed by a smoker’s chuckle. Little did she know that my friends were as ruthless as any and I am immune to fat jokes. I know I’m fat. I used to have self esteem issues about it, but that was back when I was small. I got over those issues around age 10.
Anywho, I was checking out this chick’s Facebook page last night. It has been around 15 years since I’ve seen her. I wanted to see if she was still as smoking hot these days as she was back then. I hoped for some nice bikini pics and such. Then I saw that the cunt is now pushing 300 lbs easy. I just grinned. Enjoy that karma bitch slap you twat! Sometimes the World just throws you a bone.
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