Superuser Tuesday

In honor of Super Tuesday part two, I've decided to switch up my poker game a bit. Instead of going through the hassle of studying the game... Instead of putting my opponents on a range of hands and figuring my equity in pots.... Instead of calculating pot odds... Instead of doing all the things that make a good poker player, why not make it so much easier on myself? Why not invoke the SUPERUSER Code?

I thought about it long and hard. Sure this is a moral issue, but the money would be great! I could win huge tournaments and rape the cash games. Nobody would have an edge on me. To combat the moral dilemma, I could just donate like 1/2 my winnings to various charities. I'd be the Robin Hood of poker...ummm wait.. I'd be the Hillary Clinton of poker. I'd rob the profits from these greedy oil tycoons every time they sit at my virtual high stakes tables and I'd give 1/2 of it to the needy and keep the other 1/2 for myself.

Now that I've tackled the moral dilemma. How do I invoke my super user privileges? I searched 2+2 and even started a post. Nobody was willing to help. The information was not out there! I checked Mr. Google, Wikipedia, Ask Jeeves...hell, I even emailed Mark Seif (No answer). This was not going to be easy.

This would take some hacking. I started with the Full Tilt client and did a little reverse engineering. This led me to a portal where I could access the "server" side of the software. After some magical banging on my keyboard with both my fingers and my head, I was able to access Full Tilts main server! This is where all the magic begins. I was able to find all the sources and download them back to my PC without being detected by Full Tilt's security team. They were too busy chasing down bots on the penny tables to notice me. HDouble waved goodbye as I exited the server.

Once I had the sources, I relentlessly followed the code. These lines of code contained the answer to all my problems. Fortune! and if I get caught...fame! Then I came across a peculiar section of code. It had my screen name in it. Something about a perpetual doomswitch. However, after that...I found it. The Holy Grail of online poker...Full Tilt's superuser code. Could this be real? Only one way to find out.

I entered the code and was greeted with a "Welcome Scott Fischman" pop up window. This didn't surprise me much because I had read the code already (and saw the results of Sunday's big game). I then proceeded to sit down and challenge Phil Ivey to a death match. Well, what do you know...the first hand was dealt and I could see Ivey's hole cards plain as day. But were they really his hole cards or just a fake? I kept the pot small on the first hand and called down with my weaker hand...just to test the waters and make myself look legit. SUCCESS! I lost the hand, but I knew his hole cards. You are mine Mr. Ivey!

After 14 hours of heads up play, Phil Ivey and I were exactly dead even. What the fuck? I have superuser priviledges and still can't win? He folded every single time I was ahead. You've got to be kidding me! Phil Ivey has superuser priveledges too!! How far does the rabbit hole take us?

I decided battle between 2 superusers was pointless and a waste of time. I then dropped down and decided to play with Matusow. I doubled my bankroll within 30 minutes. After 2 hours, I was completely debt free. Another hour after that, I was calling in sick to work because I knew I wouldn't need that job anymore. I'm a friggin superuser and don't need no stinkin' peasant job! I cleaned Mike Matusow out by 5:30a.m.

My eyes were burning from the lack of sleep. My stomach was aching with hunger. Yet I couldn't stop. 8:30 a.m. rolled by and I was now a millionaire. By noon, I had enough money and started googling financial advisers. Then around 4:14 p.m., my body shut down from exhaustion. I had been up 48 hours and been on a crazy heater (self inflicted due to the superuser code). I passed out with my head on the keyboard for 19 straight hours. My keyboard was ruined from the drool. Luckily I had my laptop as a backup.

When I woke up, everything seemed like a dream. Had I really run my balance up to over $5 million? Did I really quit my job? Or was it all a dream? I went to check my Full Tilt balance and couldn't do it immediately because my keyboard was ruined. However, after firing up my laptop, I checked my Full Tilt balance and there is was... $5,001,327.98 I'm rich Bitch! Plus I had a couple hundred in rakeback coming my way as well.

There is so much I could do with $5 Million. However, I promised to donate half of it to charity. But why give away half of this money when I have no way of explaining to the IRS where that $2.5 Million came from? I'm guaranteeing myself a tax audit. Of course, I could just pay the taxes on the money. Only pros do that! I couldn't rightfully just keep the entire $5 Million though and not make due on my promise to help out the needy.

Then I was hit with a brilliant idea. Instead of sharing my wealth, how about I share the superuser code and allow others to gain their own wealth? That's the answer! So, for all you loyal readers, here it is.. the code that could change your online poker career and your LIFE forever.

Here are the superuser instructions:

1.) Log into Full Tilt as normal.
2.) Using your keyboard, enter the following code:

↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

3.) Once you open your first table, you should be greeted with this popup:

4.) Profit.

That's it. I require no compensation for this. I'm donating this super user code to the public absolutely free of charge. You are welcome.