Unfiltered

This blog is as unfiltered as I get.  Unfortunately, it's a dead space on the internet lately as I have neglected it.  It seems like any post I do put up here promises more frequent posting with failed results.  I'm not going to make such promises today.  I just have some shit to get off my chest.

First things first.  I'm working at becoming a better person.  Not only am I trying to treat myself better (2.5 weeks nicotine free, and 21+ lbs lighter), but I'm trying to do my best to help others.  Shit hit home for me last week and really drove a wedge into my brain about what I'm doing with my life and which direction I want to go.  Let me tell you a story:

I have a friend.  His nickname is Spook.  I'm not sure how he got the nickname.  It was just in place way before I came along as his friend.  Spook is one of the most talented and funniest people on the planet.  Put a musical instrument (especially a guitar) in this man's hand and he turns into a God.  The sheer talent flowing through this man's body is uncanny.  Unfortunately, Spook has your typical rock star mentality.  Party hard, worry about other shit later.

I was Spook's #1 fan until his drinking got out of hand.  I used to follow him around to all the bars as he played his shows.  I watched his fan base grow from a few measly people to several hundred.  Towards the end of my run of hanging with him, the bars were packed to hear him and his band-mates.  However, during this time, I transformed from a fan to more of a babysitter.  His drinking got out of hand.  I spent most of my time making sure he got home safe at night than anything.  It wasn't fun for me and became a chore.  Finally I felt like someone that just enabled Spook to drink and cut ties with him.  We were still friends, I just quit following the band around from bar to bar.

Fast forward to a couple Tuesday night's ago.  Spook was coming home....drunk... and driving.  He went into oncoming traffic and ended up hitting a car head-on.  2 women died as a result.  Apparently one of them was pregnant.  Spook came out without a scratch.  He's looking at considerable jail time as a result.

I can't explain to you the range of emotions this experience has caused.  There's some anger, a lot of guilt, and so many other emotions all rolled into one.  Not once did I think about other people's safety when I would take a drunken Spook home.  Not once did I offer to help Spook with his apparent drinking problem.  For that I felt guilty.  I cried a lot after this incident.  To see a friend go down like this is tough.  In the eyes of any person not connected to Spook, he's a dirtbag.  Maybe he is in my book.  I'm getting over any guilt I feel over the death of these 2 women.  In the end, it was Spook that chose to drink and drive.  It was Spook that had been charged with DUI several times before and only once convicted because he bought/bribed his way out of them.

So cheers to you Spook.  I still consider you my friend.  You definitely deserve any jail time you will receive.  Hopefully this is a wake-up call.  Get your shit together.  You have at least 2 deaths on your hands.  It may not have be premeditated, but you are a murderer.  Take your time and get your shit together.  Hopefully you will help others when you get out of prison.  I also hope you take that talent of yours and become a rock star after this is all said and done.