Winning

Why am I so motivated to play poker these days? I’m not really sure to be honest.  I guess because I’ve been looking for something to do all the time and that something to do is right in front of my nose.  I think part of the reason is that I’ve put no pressure on myself to make X amount of dollars so I can afford Y lifestyle like I did back in the Party Poker days.  Poker is just a pastime right now.  It’s fun.

The most major motivational factor, however, is when I admitted to myself and the World that I am no longer a winning poker player.  You see, I hate to lose...   at anything! Back in my baseball playing days, I wasn’t there to look pretty for my parents in my little league uniform, I was there to beat the other team.  I’ve always loved competition.  When my teammates didn’t seem to care if we won or lost, I’d lose my cool with them.  You can play to win and have fun at the same time.  I don’t know about you, but I have much more fun when I win. 

Back in the Little League days, I was always picked for the All-Star teams from the age of about 8 up until I was 15, I made all-stars every year.  I was a good hitter, decent fielder, slow runner, and had a weak arm.  Far from a 5 tool player.  One time I asked the All-star coach (not my normal coach) why he picked me over the other person when the other person was much faster and could hit just as good.  I’ll never forget his answer: “I picked you because you care if we win or lose and you want to win.”  That little conversation only re-enforced this behavior in me and I’ve had it as long as I can remember.

I got even fatter as time wore on and my baseball skills just weren’t needed at the college levels (or beyond).  I was just a fat kid with a desire to win.  So I moved on to shooting pool.  It was fun even though I sucked.  My friends were good because they had been playing for a couple years.  I hated the fact that they beat me day in and day out.  My best friend Roger was the king dick at the local pool hall.  He would win 9 out of every 10 tournaments they ran.  He was awesome.  We would play ring games (pool’s equivalent of a cash poker game) and he would dominate those and take our lunch money.  Ok, this was a fun game and all..the comradery was great, but I’ll be God Damned if I was going to let even my best friend beat me like a red-headed step child.  So I spent every single day in the pool hall smacking balls around.  I remember running my first rack of 8 ball and 9 ball.  I remember winning my first tournament and being so nervous that I wasn’t even aware that I won (not against Roger).  I remember beating my best friend Roger in the finals for the 1st time.   I remember winning the “Neutral Corner Championship” 2 years in a row.  2nd place: my best friend Roger.  The pool hall owner dubbed him the title “Roger Runner-Up”. 

Once I reached a certain level in pool, I got to a point where I didn’t care if I got any better.  You see pool halls, much like poker rooms are filled with angle shooters and hustlers (probably worse).  You can’t compete with a chemical player either.  Cocaine was the drug of choice amongst my competitors.  I had a well known pro tell me that with an 8 ball of coke, he could spot God the 8 in a race to 10.  Thankfully, I never took that route.  I like to win, but not at all costs.  Once I got tired of the pool halls and all the scum that go along with them, I started focusing more on Poker.

Poker was different from all the other games I’ve played in my life.  I just kinda learned in the pool halls how to play.  I taught myself in my spare time how to play better and when I turned my focus to the game for real, I was already a winning player.  It was easy money!

Then something happened, I wasn’t winning at poker anymore.  All of the sudden, I’m 17 again and at the end of my baseball career or I’m 20 again and trying to compete with a bunch of low-life coke heads on a pool table.  Should I give up and move on to something new?  Fuck no! I haven’t beat this game yet.